Fur Coat, No Knickers

Nude lipstick is a weird old thing. Most of my friends who are hardcore into makeup love it, those who don’t care about makeup think it’s gross and 90s. I obviously fit into the first category. My ideal lipstick is concealer. Or Tipp-Ex. I mean, I love pink (MAC Show Orchid) and I wear a lot of red (MAC Russ… doy, you don’t need me to spell it out for you) but my favourite ever, ever is palest nude, ideally blotting out the lips entirely like a weird lipless monster/Brigitte Bardot. It’s definitely a bit gross but whatevs, I love it. I just did a big nude lips feature in the mags (mainly for my own benefit, why lie) and figured the findings might be good to share. Be aware, there are lots of photos of my face coming right up. This post is brought to you care of the Wang-a-likes, BTW.

Rimmel Nude Delight, £4.99

On my lips this is more a peachy shade than totally nude. It  adds a pinkish tint rather than taking away colour completely, which is usually what I look for in a nude lipstick. That said, the colour it gives is a good fake nude and it has a nice glossy finish so it’s not quite as scary as a totally matte, nude, no-lip face. It’s a great every day lipstick, the kind you can put on without looking and just be good to go.

Barry M Marshmellow, £4.25

…aka, the Holy Grail. This one causes the most divide and I’m not exactly selling it to you with my sloppy application and gurning face. This is like the whitest, chalkiest lipstick I’ve ever used but I mean that as a compliment, of course. I’m pretty pale at the moment and it looks like this, so imagine how amazing it would look with a tan?? I think people hate this lipstick; I know boys do but who cares about them? It’s kind of the ultimate deciding factor for people who are cool with nude and people who aren’t.

GOSH Darling, £6

The internet had gone wild for this lipstick and in every review I read people were basically fapping themselves senseless over it so obvi we had to get it in. My verdict? It’s good, but it’s not all that. The nude almost identically matches my skintone so thumbs up for that, and I love the sheer-ish gloss finish but something about it just didn’t blow my mind like the others. I dunno, maybe I need to give it more of a chance? It’s certainly not a bad nude at all but it just doesn’t have the no-lip factor that I’m looking for. Don’t get me wrong, this is still like 97% great and I think GOSH make great makeup so… yep.

MAC Pro Lip Erase, £??

I made a real fuck up of applying this in a rush so don’t judge it on my shitty skills. Lip Erase is part of MAC’s Pro line which means you can only get it in Pro stores, or Ebay… Some MAC stores sell it too, so give ‘em a call to check. This shit is AMAZING and does what it says on the tin, except if you apply it while you’re cooking dinner like me and balls things up. Two layers makes for the best results and does basically leave you with no facial features to speak of. It’s also great (and perhaps intended?) to be a base for other lipsticks. It comes in a big flat pot like a tin of Vaseline and lasts forever. I also think you could use it a concealer if you were in some kind of desperate zit break out in the office. I LOVE THIS PRODUCT THANKS.

MAC Blankety, £12.50

MAC Creme D’Nude, £12.50

Of course, MAC do nudes as well as they do everything else. I got Creme D’Nude first because I’d heard so much good about it and it def  gets a thumbs up. Perfect nude shade, perfect MAC texture, nice gloss finish and it lasts all day, as MAC tends to do. When I see nudes as good as this, I kind of wonder how well they work on other people. I mean, for me this is spot on but I’m one person with weird skin… yet this gets rave reviews all over the world. How does that work? Hmm. Blankety is the last one I tried and I bitterly regret that my lips look a little red around the edges from getting all the others off. It taints the power of Blankety which has skipped merrily ahead to my actual number one lipstick, perhaps ever? It basically gets the same review as Creme D’Nude because it’s another MAC nude but the shade is just that little bit more right for me. I love it, please don’t let my scabby face ruin it.

FINALLY….. While we’re on this spam sesh, let me share with you my latest hair extension adventure. Seeing as I now have the Wangs, it only seems right that I get the hair too. I’ve been on the search for decent clip-ins since time began and am constantly disappointed. Not by clip-ins, which are fucking brilliant these days, but by colour. My pretend hair is dark red and although I know about a million people with the same colour, it’s still impossible to get extensions that aren’t fire engine red or like, purple. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was Sally that came to the rescue. Of course. These ones are Wildest Dreams (shh lol) Fiery Brown, £19.99 for an 12″ x 18″ weft. I got two and cut them in half, sealing with the all important Sealant to stop them fraying. I used child safety scissors, so this is vital haha. Anyway, here are the results.

I really hope this picture shows some of the magnificence of these extensions. I am aware that the lighting isn’t all that so you can’t see the volume or the colour match that well… but for real, they are amazing and not even Mr Fur Coat could tell it wasn’t my real hair. Ask Iso, she saw them IRL last week! Clip-ins, if you’re not convinced, are amazing these days. They don’t move, they don’t fall out and they’re not made out of recycled fiber optic light strands so they actually look real. For the colour matching skills, I urge you to shop at Sally.

OK, no more pictures, it’s proper election time.