If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll be aware that for the past few months I’ve been obsessing over what to wear for my friends’ upcoming swanky wedding. Sorry about that. I’ve finally bought something I love from Cocosa so we’re all sorted on that front, now it’s just a case of finding the right props to jazz the look up.

I have the ASOS bunny hat but I’m not sure whether or not to wear it… The trickiest thing about this wedding is that I haven’t seen most of the guests since university. Back in those days I was a fashion student and Mr Fur Coat and all his friends, including the bride and groom and all the guests, were doing proper degrees. They’re all awesome people but I quite often felt like the dickhead fashion student in my novelty outfit and I’d hate for them to think I was still the same bozo I was back then.

What I’m after is a feather cape. Don’t mind that last paragraph, a feather cape isn’t a fancy dress item, it’s a serious, chic fashion statement. Right? Anyway, I didn’t realise it would be so hard to find such a thing but a cursory eBay search reveals very little. It does, however, come up with millions of fly fishing ‘feather capes’ [above] — did you know it was a kind of tackle? No, me neither. They’re quite stylish actually, but probably just about big enough to make a novelty shoulder pad.

Here are some other options, none of which are quite doing it for me.

Kate Moss for Topshop feather cape. Something about those colours man… it’s just not working. Sold out anyway, available on eBay of course.

Obviously I’m not the one getting married, but if I was I’d probably wear this Jenny Packham ‘Cygnet’ Ostrich Feather Cape. Quelle beast.

Good ol’ ASOS. This Premium Feather Cape is rather appropriate, but still not quite spot on and for such a ludicrous purchase it needs to be right, right?

As an example of what’s ‘right’, take note of this Edwardian ostrich feather cape. It’s bloody lovely. Seen one anywhere?